THINGS LEARNED FROM CHILDREN

By a mother:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
   house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
   roller  blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
 
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
   enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
   cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
   paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When 
   using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
   before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball
   hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh,"  it's
   already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
   36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain LEGO's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
    can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
    show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on--plastic toys do
    not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First  grade...true story:
    One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
    Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
    first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
    She read: "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full
    of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
    build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do
    you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I
    think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to
    teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid...