A good friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you HAVE an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A good friend points you to the bathroom after a night of drinking.
A real friend holds your head while you throw up!

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail
A real friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was  fun!"