I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's (sent to me
because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that
the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor,
a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of
Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's 
no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made
them change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub 
and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub 
he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that 
said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was
working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get
together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the 
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail
from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation
and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys,
but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the
bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the
coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped
a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy
who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to
send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel
for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of
x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10
people, you will have good luck but for only 10 people you will only have OK luck
and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he
noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his 
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will receive 4 green
M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist 
friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth
Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse will develop a skin rash from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will
put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.